Broken Heart in Training

They warned me.

They said I might cry...and they were right.

They said I would pray for them....and I sure do.

Student teaching is hard, and I'm not talking about the lesson planning or even the teaching.

I go to school each morning and walk down the halls past such precious children. 

Some don't have loving homes.

Some don't own warm clothes.

Some can't afford Valentine's cards.

Some misbehave to get attention.

Each one a life I can make an impact on and that's what keeps me going. 

This week has been hard as some of these realities really sink in. 

I have one homeless student who I love dearly, but who my heart breaks for. The fact that my kindergarteners are worried about not having Valentine's cards because "mom doesn't have money" makes me so sad. If only teachers were allowed to adopt kids...my apartment has plenty of room to spare!  

I just want to cry because I love them all so much. My heart just breaks when I hear of other students in my building bringing drug wrappers, knives, and other things to school. Or those who have trouble listening or misbehave for attention. If only I could spend a few minutes with each and every student and show them all the love of God through my actions. 

Last week I was able to spend some time working one-on-one with a student from another class. One whose name is known around the building because of his bad behavior. He didn't want to do our 100th day painting activity while the other teachers were around, but once they left and we were doing 100 exercises together, he listened so well and he was so funny telling me he was working on his "packs." By the end of our exercises he told me he had "two pack" abs. :) Then I let him pick a Spiderman video to watch until he was picked up by his teacher and that made him so happy, he sat in SILENCE until it was over. Just that short time made me so happy that I could really impact a student by giving him some positive attention. 

Seeing kids from other classes in the hallway start to recognize me and give me hugs just makes my day! I even have a second grade friend in a regular ed classroom who thinks it's fun to tell me "Hola" and "Gracias" because I'm a bilingual teacher. :)

I know God is preparing me for the lives I will impact the rest of my life. This is just a taste of what my life will be like as I get a new set of students each year to love on and pray for. I know God made me with this heart for a reason, and I couldn't be happier. 

So I may sit here in my apartment by myself, crying over and praying for my students, but that's what I was made for and I wouldn't have it any other way.

:,-)

Isaiah 1:17

New International Version (NIV)

¹⁷ Learn to do right; seek justice.
    Defend the oppressed.
Take up the cause of the fatherless;
    plead the case of the widow.