Hit the Ground Running

Year Two.

I can't believe it! Can you?

     Two years ago I was starting my student teaching and dreaming of moving to Paraguay. Now here I am enjoying a relaxing Sunday evening before my busy school schedule begins. 

     People have asked me what I'm most looking forward to this year and I think it's the fact that I'm coming back with experience this time. 

     Last year everything was new and I spent every day learning. Whether it was a new cultural custom, a school routine, a bus route, a family tradition, every day was a learning experience and by the end of the year I finally felt like I was really getting the hang of life in Paraguay. About halfway through the year I really started getting into a groove and really feeling like Paraguay was "home." I started traveling a lot in September, and the last few months of the year were packed with end of the year school activities and almost every weekend was spent traveling or attending conferences and camps. The relationships I started building with acquaintances since January grew into deeper friendships by the time I left in December. 

     When I left to go to my other home for six weeks, I was actually a little sad to leave. Although I was coming back soon, I knew I was going to miss my friends, Paraguayan family, and my routines. And sure enough, I did. I missed sharing tereré with friends, greeting people with two kisses or a handshake, and a lot of other little cultural things that I didn't realize I loved so much until they were missing from my every day. I ended up having a wonderful time in the States visiting with so many friends and family, and really enjoyed being at my home church again sharing about my experiences last year and teaching both the children and adults about Paraguayan culture. Though when the day came to board a big plane back south, I sure was excited!

     During the six weeks I was in the States I experienced so much jet lag from being in a different time zone almost every week, I had such a hard time falling into a regular sleeping pattern. The first two days in Paraguay I mostly spent sleeping between attempts to unpack and re-organize my room. Which by the way, this is the first time in my life I've had my very OWN room! It can be kind of strange and lonely sometimes after having someone to share with for 23 years, but I'm definitely enjoying the peace of being by myself to think as I get settled in again. 

     My first weekend back I served as a "naranjita" at the Methodist National Assembly, which meant a lot time on my feet for two days and sharing a twin bed with a friend, which I spent most of the night paranoid I was going to kick her head, so I didn't sleep much. After an exhausting start to my year I began waking up early for work at the school, which has meant sneaking in afternoon naps and attempting (and mostly failing) at going to bed early. The summer heat makes everyone want to relax all day because it's too hot to do anything, so I haven't been quite as productive as I've wanted to. I'm trying to enjoy my last few days of relaxation before the busyness really starts. 

     Next Monday classes start at New Horizon and I begin my thirty-classes-a-week schedule of English teaching. I'll be teaching pre-school through fifth grade ESL with an aide for pre-school through second. It'll be a busy few months until Colleen gets back to teach the younger grades in June, but I'm excited. I've decided to focus on the positives of teaching new grade levels and building a good relationship with my aide, Ana, instead of getting overwhelmed with the idea of all I have to do this year. I did get really stressed out last week as I was bombarded with a lot of challenges for the year, but I was quickly reminded that God has it all under control. 

    This year won't be possible if I do it all by my own strength. If you haven't noticed, I'm kind of small and weak. I will honestly fail if I try to do all I have to do on my own, but there's good news! My God is way bigger than all of the mountains ahead and His strength is much more reliable than mine. I can rest in the comfort of these truths as I leave everything in His hands. So for now, I'm going to breath, be excited as I prepare my lesson plans, and enjoy the last few days of extra sleep before I climb those mountains! 

~

Psalm 18:29-30(NIV)

With your help I can advance against a troop;
    with my God I can scale a wall.
As for God, his way is perfect:
    The Lord’s word is flawless;
    he shields all who take refuge in him. 

Psalm 91:11-12 (NIV)

For he will command his angels concerning you
    to guard you in all your ways;
they will lift you up in their hands,
    so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.

2 Corinthians 5:7 (NIV)

For we live by faith, not by sight.

Psalm 105:4 (NIV)

Look to the Lord and his strength;
    seek his face always.

Home Is...

Home.

One single word that elicits abundant connotations and emotions. 

Home. 

One simple word. One complex idea. 

~

     As 2014 started winding down, I started getting ready to "go home," which meant packing up some winter clothes and flying to the United States. As time passed, my December 16th departure date closer each day, I began to feel a strange mix of emotions when I thought about "going home."

     As you may have noticed, I haven't posted a blog entry since last September and that's because I began acclimating more and more to my new "home," and began traveling more and participating in weekend-long events. I always had an abundance of thoughts and stories to write about after experiencing so many neat, new things, but the Paraguayan culture embraces relationships and community and so the little free time I had was spent sharing time with those around me, rather than with my keyboard. I also faced some technology challenges near the end of the year that threatened the success of sending out monthly newsletters, so trying to attempt blog posts on top of that was just impossible.

     December 16th came and went and with it a nervous breakdown at the airport. You see, all year I had been preparing for a December departure. December to me has always meant wintertime: cold weather, a short break from school, delicious holiday foods and Christmas decorations. But in Paraguay December means hot weather, summer vacation, new holiday traditions and Christmas decorations glowing in the hot summer sun. Even for a Floridian it's a little odd. So when I arrived at the airport just after midnight on the 16th, my mind wasn't prepared for what was about to happen. A busy schedule led to last minute packing and skipping over the "processing" part of preparing to return to the States. It was a time I needed to process my feelings and to prepare my heart and mind for reentry into my "home" country. Lack of sleep and problems at the airport also attributed to the tearful breakdown at 1:30am as I prepared for departure. 

    The fears of returning to my homeland, where the stress of reverse culture shock and potential family drama awaited, put me on edge as I said goodbye to my family and friends for six weeks. After a prayer for peace and God's protection, I was off on my adventure. 

~

Home.

Home Is Where the Heart Is

Home Is Where Your Mom Is

Home Sweet Home

~ 

     Last year I read an article about how once a missionary enters the field, they can never go home again. Their heart is now separated into love for each of their new homes: the people, the places, the routines, etc. and it's hard to not feel a longing for one country when they are in the other. I knew this was going to be true for me, but what awaited me my first week back in the States was much different than I expected. 

     My first week in the United States I cried three times. I can't remember exactly why each situation happened, but I do remember I longed for the culture of Paraguay and I felt so out of place in my own country. I longed to belong, yet I felt like I didn't anymore. I felt changed and my attempts to explain to people what I was going through sometimes seemed to fall on deaf ears. Some days I just felt strange and didn't know why. Although I knew reverse culture shock would happen, the way it affected me was unexpected and just made me feel bad. 

     Luckily, not long after I arrived home, I celebrated Christmas with my family and things began to look a little brighter. I met with friends who were eager to learn about Paraguay, and went on new adventures. I met my nephew for the first time and finally felt like I really was an aunt! After six weeks of visiting friends and family, going to Seattle for the first time, returning to my alma mater Olivet, and spending quality time with my closest family members, I finally realized what home really is. 

     You see, home is not a place. Home is a feeling. Anyone who has moved frequently can tell you that it's difficult to hold onto the location of home when it changes so often. Home, however, is where you make it. 

Home is routine.

Home is adventure.

Home is familiar.

Home is new.

Home is friends.

Home is family.

Home is college.

Home is church.

Home is a big hug.

Home is your bestie.

Home is your favorite food.

Home is your cat.

Home is Mom.

Home is fun.

Home is love.

Home is everything you want it to be.

Home is anything you want it to be. 

Home is home.

Wherever and whenever that may be.