Home Is...

Home.

One single word that elicits abundant connotations and emotions. 

Home. 

One simple word. One complex idea. 

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     As 2014 started winding down, I started getting ready to "go home," which meant packing up some winter clothes and flying to the United States. As time passed, my December 16th departure date closer each day, I began to feel a strange mix of emotions when I thought about "going home."

     As you may have noticed, I haven't posted a blog entry since last September and that's because I began acclimating more and more to my new "home," and began traveling more and participating in weekend-long events. I always had an abundance of thoughts and stories to write about after experiencing so many neat, new things, but the Paraguayan culture embraces relationships and community and so the little free time I had was spent sharing time with those around me, rather than with my keyboard. I also faced some technology challenges near the end of the year that threatened the success of sending out monthly newsletters, so trying to attempt blog posts on top of that was just impossible.

     December 16th came and went and with it a nervous breakdown at the airport. You see, all year I had been preparing for a December departure. December to me has always meant wintertime: cold weather, a short break from school, delicious holiday foods and Christmas decorations. But in Paraguay December means hot weather, summer vacation, new holiday traditions and Christmas decorations glowing in the hot summer sun. Even for a Floridian it's a little odd. So when I arrived at the airport just after midnight on the 16th, my mind wasn't prepared for what was about to happen. A busy schedule led to last minute packing and skipping over the "processing" part of preparing to return to the States. It was a time I needed to process my feelings and to prepare my heart and mind for reentry into my "home" country. Lack of sleep and problems at the airport also attributed to the tearful breakdown at 1:30am as I prepared for departure. 

    The fears of returning to my homeland, where the stress of reverse culture shock and potential family drama awaited, put me on edge as I said goodbye to my family and friends for six weeks. After a prayer for peace and God's protection, I was off on my adventure. 

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Home.

Home Is Where the Heart Is

Home Is Where Your Mom Is

Home Sweet Home

~ 

     Last year I read an article about how once a missionary enters the field, they can never go home again. Their heart is now separated into love for each of their new homes: the people, the places, the routines, etc. and it's hard to not feel a longing for one country when they are in the other. I knew this was going to be true for me, but what awaited me my first week back in the States was much different than I expected. 

     My first week in the United States I cried three times. I can't remember exactly why each situation happened, but I do remember I longed for the culture of Paraguay and I felt so out of place in my own country. I longed to belong, yet I felt like I didn't anymore. I felt changed and my attempts to explain to people what I was going through sometimes seemed to fall on deaf ears. Some days I just felt strange and didn't know why. Although I knew reverse culture shock would happen, the way it affected me was unexpected and just made me feel bad. 

     Luckily, not long after I arrived home, I celebrated Christmas with my family and things began to look a little brighter. I met with friends who were eager to learn about Paraguay, and went on new adventures. I met my nephew for the first time and finally felt like I really was an aunt! After six weeks of visiting friends and family, going to Seattle for the first time, returning to my alma mater Olivet, and spending quality time with my closest family members, I finally realized what home really is. 

     You see, home is not a place. Home is a feeling. Anyone who has moved frequently can tell you that it's difficult to hold onto the location of home when it changes so often. Home, however, is where you make it. 

Home is routine.

Home is adventure.

Home is familiar.

Home is new.

Home is friends.

Home is family.

Home is college.

Home is church.

Home is a big hug.

Home is your bestie.

Home is your favorite food.

Home is your cat.

Home is Mom.

Home is fun.

Home is love.

Home is everything you want it to be.

Home is anything you want it to be. 

Home is home.

Wherever and whenever that may be.